Reflections on my First Mother's Day
How is it that my first Mother's Day has come and gone?Mother's Day has always been a bittersweet holiday for me. I always reflect on the life of my Mom who went to be with Jesus when I was 9 years old. I think of her daily. Now that I'm a Mother, there are so many questions I wish I could ask her.When I was pregnant, I wished I could ask her what it was like being pregnant with me. Did she have any strange cravings? Did she have swollen feet and ankles? Did she wish she could breastfeed me? (She wasn't able to because of medication she had to take that wasn't breastfeeding friendly.) Did she struggle with depression and anxiety like I do? What kind of food did she feed me? Was I a good baby? The questions go on and on.Now that I'm daily mothering my son, I still have tons of questions I wish I could ask her. What kinds of games did I like to play? Did I go through "terrible two's"? When did I take my first steps? What was my first solid food? When did I become potty trained? When did I start sleeping through the night? You get the picture. At least once a day I think of something about my childhood that I wish I could ask her.
She Will Be Called Blessed
I'm so blessed to have beautiful and godly women in my life. My step mom has been such a blessing as I navigate these waters of motherhood. Even though she doesn't know the answers to my baby days and early childhood, she is still a wealth of knowledge. God knew what he was doing when he brought her into my life and the life of my Dad.As I look back on my life, I see how God surrounded me with supportive, wise women. Spiritual mothers of the faith that helped shape me into the Mother I am today. While I don't have my biological mother to talk to, I still have wise counsel I can reach out to, and for that, I'm eternally grateful. I've learned to appreciate the women in my life that walk this walk with me.
Being a Mother has peeled back and revealed so much selfishness that I didn't know was there. God has been gracious in giving me the time to repent, process, and grow. I'm still being refined daily and am learning to trust in the Lord to be my strength.Now that I'm slowly but surely healing from my Post Partum Depression, I'm learning how important it is to have community and support. You can't do this alone. Mother's aren't meant to do this alone. We are meant for community and fellowship. We need to uplift and encourage each other. Since I have opened up about my deep struggle with depression, I have been encouraged by the daily gestures of love from family and friends. The silly texts, check-in emails, and facebook messages. They mean so much to me and I'm so thankful for those that go out of their way to show me that love. I strive to be that for others on this journey.[bctt tweet="You need fellowship and community as a Mother! " username="pursuesimplejoy"]Enjoy the present. I have spent so much time worrying about the future and dwelling on the past, that some days I realize that's all I did instead of enjoying the sweet smiles and laughs of today. Too often I find myself longing for the next milestone to be achieved instead of appreciating what he has already accomplished. Babies don't keep. It's hard to believe in less than 2 short months he is going to be a year old. Someone pinch me!Your marriage is important. Micah and I recently spent a few days together for our 4 year wedding anniversary (more on that in a later post). It was a glorious time being mostly unplugged and enjoying each others company. It was the first time we've been anywhere just the two of us for more than a few hours since Titus was born. Titus was missed terribly but I tried my hardest to focus on cultivating our marriage and enjoying time as a couple. Don't neglect your marriage when you become a Mom! The support of your husband is more important now than ever.
There's Always Room for Growth
There is still so much to learn. Motherhood is a high calling that I don't take lightly. By the Grace of God, I pray that I will continue to grow, learn, and become the best version of myself for my family. Smile when you don't feel like smiling. Lean on the everlasting arms when you want to give up. These days may not be glamorous, but there is nothing quite like seeing the smile and hearing the laughter of your baby. You'll never know a love like this anywhere else! Let go of Mommy guilt. You're doing a great job, Momma!
How did you celebrate Mother's Day?