One Year a Mother

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One Year.

This time last year, I was in labor. I remember feeling the surge of emotions as I began to mentally prepare myself for what was to come.“Is today going to be the day? Am I finally going to be able to hold this baby boy in my arms?” Stuffing down the worries and anxiety that crop up when you’re about to undergo something so life changing was a challenge.

One word to sum up my first year as a Mom: Grace

So much grace.I wouldn’t have survived without it. The majority of my first year was spent beating myself up with Mommy guilt. Sobbing pretty much every waking moment. Hurting from breastfeeding. Hurting from labor and delivery.  Mourning the life that I had before my precious child was born.I would beat myself up about unmet expectations but God has been gracious and reminds me that through Him I am enough.

I Am Enough

New parents are hard on themselves. I felt I was prepared after reading piles of baby books and “how to” books before TJ was born. I was prepared to a certain extent, but what I wasn’t prepared for would leave me spinning out of control for months. Many of you are aware of my journey with Postpartum Depression and how God has been so good in pulling me through it. PPD doesn’t define me. My identity is in Christ and Christ alone. He uses my brokenness, my insecurities, my failures and shortcomings to prove that HE is enough. He is perfect, powerful, and the ultimate healer. He moved in Micah’s heart to push me in the best way possible to get help. He lined up amazing friends to show me that I’m not damaged goods and that admitting I need help doesn’t make me less of a wife, mother, or person. God led me to an incredible Christian counselor who has walked me through deepest darkness and lifted up my chin so I can see light and hope. I am enough because I have Christ in me.

We Aren’t Meant to Be Comfortable

What I mean by that is, as Christians, God doesn’t call us to be comfortable. He calls us to be salt and light of the world. I can’t wait to see how God is going to use our arrows to be a light in the darkness of the world around us. Having a child has stretched me in so many ways and it has been so incredible experiencing growth in ways I never thought possible.

Looking Forward to the Future

Watching TJ grow has been the greatest joy in my life. With all of its heartache, tears, and frustrations, I know that every fluctuating emotion is worth it because Micah and I are investing in our future. We’re focusing on raising up TJ and any future children for God’s Kingdom. It brings us so much joy knowing that we will be carrying on the torch and leaving a legacy for our family. Shining a light in the darkness that is so rampant in our day and time. We’re not to cower in fear of what the future might hold because we have a Mighty God that is bigger and greater and more powerful than the evil that tries to destroy our hope. As Christians, we’re to put our trust in God and His strength. When we are discouraged about the future, we’re to put our care and anxiety on Him. Having that promise tucked deep into my heart helps me get through the hard days. I know there will be hard days to come, but I can sleep easy knowing that He has a perfect plan for us.I can’t wait to see how God is going to use our precious gift for His Kingdom. He is constantly pulling us out of our comfort zones, relying on Him for Grace, Strength, and Wisdom. We are humbled that He has set us on this journey raising the Future.What an amazing God we serve!

To Titus

We are so blessed to call you our son. Your silly personality, sloppy kisses, and hi-fives bring us so much joy. Your Daddy and I love that we have the distinct blessings of watching you grow up to do a mighty work for God and His Kingdom. We know that you will be courageous, kind, and use your talents and gifts to bring God all the glory. We love you very much.One Year a Mother… I look forward to many more years!

Happy birthday, Titus!